An interesting study demonstrates that while many parents believe they are teaching their children to value kindness just as much as success, their kids are picking up a different message.
For Most Kids, Nice Finishes Last (5 minute radio feature)
“It is a central paradox of contemporary parenting, in fact: we have an acute, almost biological impulse to provide for our children, to give them everything they want and need, to protect them from dangers and discomforts both large and small. And yet we all know — on some level, at least — that what kids need more than anything is a little hardship: some challenge, some deprivation that they can overcome, even if just to prove to themselves that they can. As a parent, you struggle with these thorny questions every day, and if you make the right call even half the time, you’re lucky. But it’s one thing to acknowledge this dilemma in the privacy of your own home; it’s quite another to have it addressed in public, at a school where you send your kids at great expense.”
How can we instill in our kids a greater capacity to struggle and not give up? As this piece illustrates, it is part of the educational culture in many eastern schools (listen to the wonderful anecdote about the kid trying to draw a cube in front of his classmates). Perhaps we can learn something from our friends on the other side of the globe?
Struggle for Smarts? (NPR Radio Show, 8 minutes)
How does it feel when few people if any “like” your status update? Unworthy, perhaps? Or you see people smiling at an event to which you were not invited? Unwanted? You are not alone in experiencing the downside of the social media world…
Facebook not so friendly to those with low self Esteem (3 min NPR show)
The explosion of choice in affluent countries, argues psychologist Barry Schwartz, not only leads to paralysis, but dissatisfaction with our choices and ourselves, as there are always other choices which might have been better than the one we selected. He starts by detailing the explosion of choice, from salad dressings to mutual funds, and then at 7:50 begins explaining why more choice leads to more unhappiness. This is a good listen for all, including parents who might get more clarity on why limiting our children’s choices and freedoms, and keeping their expectations within reasonable limits, may actually help them feel better about themselves.
A summary of some of the most important tips I have gleaned from my research, my clients, and my family.
What does unconditional love look like — really. Two of the features in this broadcast paint a powerful picture that makes many of us parents look like we have it easy. The other story highlights the work of psychologist Harry Harlow in the 50s. He pioneered — with the help of rhesus monkeys — the then-outlandish idea that children need love. While his own children say his parenting came up short in the affection department, our children (and our generation as well) owe him a debt of gratitude for opening up their parents’ arms.
Listen to Episode 317 of This American Life by clicking below:
317: Unconditional Love
Sep 15, 2006
Stories of unconditional love between parents and children, and how hard love can be sometimes in daily practice.
Psychology and Western culture have had an unfortunate emphasis on the negative side of being alone. It’s as if alone=lonely. However, there is a growing body of research — nicely described in this article — that points to the values of alone-time: creative thinking, increased empathy, better memorization, deeper spirituality and (paradoxically) an increased ability to connect with others. Like exercise and good sleep, it turns out that solitude is an important part of healthy living.
A fascinating NPR show interviewing two neuroscientists about parenting tips.